I am currently reading Cheryl Cole’s autobiography ‘Cheryl: My story’, where the gorgeous geordie opens up and goes into detail about her husband Ashley Cole’s cheating scandals and the eventual breakdown of her marriage. Whilst reading, it led me to think – is it ever possible to take back a cheating partner? Could you ever forgive and forget their infidelity?
I have always said that if anyone were to ever cheat on me, then that would be the final straw. I vowed I would delete their phone number and cut them out of my life completely. Unfortunately, when actually put in that situation it is never that simple and straightforward, as I have had to learn just recently.
When finding out your partner has cheated, you are immediately filled with so many mixed emotions – hurt, anger, confusion, embarrassment and disappointment. Unfortunately, all of these emotions don’t stop you from still being in love with that person and caring for them, which is why it’s so hard to forget, or to let go. I know that I was devastated at the fact someone I thought I knew like the back of my hand, could overnight become an absolute stranger to me.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with a cheating partner but I do believe that you should NEVER blame yourself for their infidelity. It is very difficult to think straight when you are so emotional and everything is so raw. You can often find yourself asking ‘what if I had done this differently?’ or ‘did I do anything to cause this?’. Even Cheryl questioned Ashley on whether his betrayals were down to her and how she was as a wife. My personal view is that if they are even slightly tempted to stray, then their feelings for you can’t be as strong as your feelings for them.
With cheating comes lying, betrayal and broken trust. Few cheaters actually ever come clean and admit to their wrong doings. Most are either caught out by their partner or are found out after rumours circle and it then eventually comes out from other people that may have known. The saying ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ can sometimes be deemed to be fact because many will carry on as normal if their sins are not found out, and if they do manage to get away with the betrayal what is to stop them from cheating again?
I believe cheating, whether it is emotional or physical, is the worst betrayal in a relationship but yet it has become so common, which is a very sad fact given that the younger generation are reading it so regularly in the headlines. The 21st century has seen the rise of the cheating celebrities. From Jude Law and his children’s nanny, to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s hidden love child, to the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie affair to the Premiership footballer love rats such as Wayne Rooney, John Terry and Ashley Cole.
Cheating has become a regular occurrence in the spotlight and in every day life with social media, such as texting, Facebook and Twitter, creating new opportunities to cheat and to be unfaithful.
Of course, it is not impossible to forgive and forget your partner’s infidelity; many men and women manage to take back their cheating partners. Cheryl forgave her husband Ashley the first time the papers accused him of cheating on her. They eventually did divorce but she can’t be faulted for trying to save her marriage. Another famous example is Robert Pattinson who has forgiven girlfriend, Kristen Stewart for her affair with married director Rupert Sanders. When making the decision of whether to take back a cheat you do feel torn because you want to believe they didn’t mean it and that they deeply regret it but it is also a point of pride to kick them to the curb and move on with your life. I guess the decision lies with the individual.
Whether you choose to forgive a cheat or not is totally up to you as a person but I believe you’d have to be an extremely strong individual to truly be able to put it in the past and move on and not let it eat you up inside.